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Friday, May 18, 2012

"Pushing and Shoving"

Family -

Sitting here earlier today thinking about what to say, I realized that there were some things that had been omitted in asking you as my “readers” for your opinions instead of assuming you wanted to hear mine. Simply stated, everyone has an opinion and whether good, bad or indifferent they’re all valid.

In our last post we discussed the huge difference in how things are now with raising our “Millennials” versus when most of us were coming up. What we didn’t discuss was how to motivate them. As previously stated, there has to be a sense of urgency and as parents we always push our children to be better than they believe they can be… but how far is far enough to push? How far is too far to push? At the end of the day maybe we should examine the difference between “pushing” and “shoving.”

When we hear the word “push” we usually think of someone challenging us to go harder and further than we’ve ever gone… kinda like achieving a level that you never thought attainable. Throughout that state of being “pushed” there are usually times when you think that you can’t continue and you’ve gone as far as you can possibly go… completely exhausted… physically, mentally and emotionally. At the same time however, you remain invigorated and determined to achieve the goal or task at hand… fighting tooth and nail to conquer whatever obstacles may lie ahead. Fear isn’t a consideration and at the very root of this journey is the idea that you WANT to be there… You ACCEPT the challenge.

Being “shoved” is more of a violent movement than anything… right? Whenever fights start there’s usually one person who “shoves” the other person causing an immediate emotional outburst of retaliation. When you think about being “shoved” you think about being forced to do something and thrown into an arena that you don’t really care to be in. Fear (we’ve all heard of the acronym associated with F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real) is a dominant factor which causes “paralysis of analysis.” No action. No movement. No fight. No nada! There’s no interest in the challenge much less the goal or the fight.

Merriam-Webster defines shove as: v. to put in a rough, careless or hasty manner; to move by forcing a way

Does that sound like anyone you know?

Ultimately, we need to be able to rightfully divide a loving “push” from a careless, hasty “shove” as parents. I was told by one of my coaches a long time ago: “the biggest room in the world is room for improvement.” Of course our kids need improvement… they’re kids, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that we too live in that same room.

Your feedback is most appreciated...

1 comment:

  1. I think what can be missed by many parents (as well as coaches and teachers) these days is that experiencing failure is an unavoidable ingredient of success. And in retrospect, I don't think I let my two kids fail enough.

    Perhaps more appropriate than giving our kids a "push" would be to suggest we give them a "nudge." Less "You can do it!" and more, "Give it a try!"

    It is through trying -- experiencing both success and failure as a result of those tries -- that we learn to find our own way in the world.

    Failure isn't just an option, it's a requirement! Our guides in life are there to help us keep both success and failure in perspective.